∞

This page is not finished yet, but I feel the need to write. I’ve been trying to do this for ages. AYE-JESS. To write something down the first minute I think about it. When its still fresh and sound in my mind. Thoughts just keep coming and going, but there are snippets of them which I want them to stay. If I don’t find ways to make them stay, the next time I look for them, they’ll be gone. Not misplaced, but gone.

Hahaha I’m getting carried away here!

Dan calls me ‘sayang’ sometimes. Which still makes my heart flutter. And just a minute ago, he did. I feel so loved and so much happier than I was prior. His ability to make me happy so effortlessly makes me know why he is the most important person in my life.

When I am upset about something I take too close to the heart, or when I’m angry at something that isn’t really worth being angry over, I sulk and maybe throw a tantrum. He’ll baby me and give me those everything-will-be-okay kisses and everything does feel like it will be okay. Even when we had those huge arguments that had us crying, SCREAMING, swearing or walking out…, he would hold me and kiss my tear-stained cheeks. Everything does feel better after that because I knew that everything was already better.

Sometimes when we fall asleep together, he lies facing the same way as I do. Our bodies will tuck tightly together with his left arm clasped over my waist. I can feel his breathing over the nape of my neck. I feel most loved when he holds me so close even when he doesn’t really realize that he does. Then when I make a move, his arms open like a broken spell abracadabra letting me turn around to hug him and his arms will wrap around me again. And he kisses me lightly on the forehead as if even the wind will be too harsh on my skin.

Laying there in silence, staring at the endless space, thoughts swim in my head – how could I have gotten angry? how in the world did that happen? how is it remotely possible that I cannot realize what a great, amazing, perfect thing I have for a boyfriend? No, that’s not it. He is a lot more than a boyfriend to me. What could I have possibly been thinking??

In these moments, all the fighting and disagreeing are all worth it because in the end, we’ll fall back on each other’s arms, spilling out all the love we have for us.